In the alternative universe world without shrimp I would like to inhabit:

~ I am not told to write up a review of 10 local events in aid of National Coffee Morning as a page lead with two pictures to fill a page near the back of the paper on Tuesday. And then on Wednesday morning told to cut it back to 100 words and one picture because the page has been given over to advertising.

~ I do not sit at my desk until 9pm on the day before deadline when I could have gone home at 8 because my editor forgot to tell us there would be no more pages to read tonight.

~ I am not heading down into my overdraft four days after payday (and 26 days before the next one) after a Rockefella-esque weekend with my family (and another one due this weekend, yay!) ~ Okay, actually this is about me spending cash on having fun with friends and eating spaghetti on toast the rest of the month so I can’t really complain!

~ I can go for lunch now. And they have brie left for a brie and bacon toastie in the local sandwich shop :D

~ All my friends and family are happy, not being stressed by various miscellaneous f*ckwits, emotional retards, financial leeches, evil credit card companies, bosses who are Sauron the dark lord but think they’re fluffy wuffy hobbits, and or blokes with the profound depths of puddles. Instead their lives are filled with love and muffiny goodness and they (and everyone around them) realise how fantastic they are and how the problems they are having relate to the inadequacies of the people they are having problems with rather than something wrong with them. :D

~ The West Wing is put on at a more civilised time. Or I have SkyPlus.

That’ll do for now. There’s bills to write :D